KinSHIP - A Ship Wreck Family Portrait

Ship Wreck Family Photo

Dad, Mom, Sister Sue and My Nephew Aaron

(This photo taken before my nephew's facial surgery to correct a cleft pallet.)

Meet my family.  Aren't they beautiful all dressed up in their Sunday best, wearing matching outfits, hair styled, nose hair trimmed, baby free of spit up. Just a perfect picture.  Everyone looks happy, and they are all looking into the camera no small feat when taking a group photograph. No wonder my mother chose to buy the full package of portraits. An 8X10, two 5X7's and eight wallet size pictures.  This way the whole extended family would be privy to having such a great family portrait of the Shipley's in their own homes.

"One time my family went for family portraits without me" is an awesome conversation starter. At parties where there is an uncomfortable or awkward moment  - it's a great back pocket tale to to pull out - everyone gets a laugh and then the confessionals of other folks dysfunctional family stories  begin to flow - voila!  Ice breaker. 

 Until this past winter the story was just a story and then I happened upon the evidence. One sheet of the family portrait was buried in a desk drawer at my father's house.  I found it when he asked me to look through the desk for a stack of birthday cards.  

Oh my gawd!  Look what I found!  Dad, I am taking this home with me.  My dad just looked at me.  His silence I took for consent.  Seriously Dad you have no idea how many times I have told this story to people.  I have to show this photo to Greg & Lucky - they are gonna die.

My sister dropped by our Dad's house a few minutes later.  Sue look what I found!  I rather gleefully (who writes gleeful?) say as I hold out the photograph.  Ohmygawd  - are you still going on about that? Put it away. Get over it already she says to me. 

 Never since the invention of the photograph has an immediate family member living under the same roof with their family not been included in the sitting of the "family portrait." Save for, maybe, back in the 30's when the Dionne quintuplets were shown off as a parent less phenomenon in ads all over the world. But that's different!

To be completely honest this portrait was a sore spot for me for a long time. My mother framed the 8X10 proudly placing it in the shelf of a bookcase in our family room.  Every time I walked through the family room I would flip it face down.  When dusting the bookcase and all it's chachkas I would skip dusting this this frame in the hope that a layer of grime would eventually cover it up or I would simply place it face down. The funny thing was, each time I reentered the room the portrait was standing back up for all to see.

One day my mother caught me flipping the portrait down.  Oh it's you who continues to do that.  I thought the frame was faulty and it kept sliding down.  Why do you do that?  

Hmmmmm, really?  Why would I place the portrait face down mom? Maybe. because it's a "Family Portrait" and I am not in it? Has it occurred to any of you that this photograph really hurts my feelings? It's mere presence is a constant reminder of how I - MAY NOT BE - a member of this family.

Don't be ridiculous my mother said.  You weren't home the day we went to the Church to have the sitting. I didn't think you wanted to be a part of it.  You have been so busy with your school. I am sure I mentioned it?  You must have forgotten.

Um humph. Mom, I have a day timer.  I record every appointment in it. I work as a model part time to pay for all my school and car and I have never missed any of those appointments. 

The framed family photo remained up.  I stopped flipping it upside down and even began to dust it.  Resorting to new tactics I dragged everyone of our house guests through the family room making sure to point out and show off the gorgeous family portrait.  Because It is a lovely picture. 

Our guests would ask questions like:

That's a nice picture - Why aren't you in it?

What a great shot - where were you?

Hey, did you take that picture?

I would smile  wide like Alice's Cheshire Cat but give no reply.  Instead, I would nod in the direction of my parents, eyebrows raised, egging them into responding to the house guest's questions.  After a few rounds of this the family picture was removed. 

The scenario as I see it went down like this:

In advance Mom & Dad booked a portrait sitting for the family, chose the date and time, matched their outfits and all made it over to the church for this photograph on time - which would have been a miracle in itself and somehow I was completely unaware of it?  On the day of the portrait  while our family sat around the table eating  breakfast it didn't occur to anyone to mention that that afternoon a family portrait was being taken.   

So while I have come to find serious humour in this story, I am admittedly- still- completely baffled  as to how this photo came to be....the common denominators just don't add up.

Did any of the church volunteers ask where the Shipley's "first born" daughter was?

Anyone?

Didn't think so.